The Novelist Prankster
by Emra3
Summary: What happens when Hermione finally gets fed up with Professor Snape's unfair ways? What lengths will she go to to get revenge? Does she even understand the true ways of pranksters? Is she even sadistic enough for a proper prank? A different look at how a SS/HG pairing can come about. AU, set in seventh year.
1. Chapter 1

**_AN: Hi, this is going to be a slight twist on the classic prank war fic. Inspired by 'Reigning Champions' by Marari and 'Pet Project' by Caeria, it should stay quite light but there will be some serious bits and of course, the inevitable romance. If you have any ideas for pranks comment them, though I cant promise I'll use them all, I'll try. Anyway, enough waffle, enjoy._**

 ** _Oh and before I get slated, I of course, own everything about Harry Potter. I am secretly living in a cardboard box and my true name is Jennifer Kathy Rowling._**

* * *

 _Snape cackled as he poured the last ingredient into the potion._

 _Throwing his hands up as a puff of green smoke wafted upwards, he shouted to the heavens,_

" _I've done it! Finally I can take over the wooorrrld! Mwahahahaha!"_

A faked cough brought Hermione out of her daydream. She looked up to find a rather irate Potions Master glaring down at her.

"Would you like to share with the rest of us what you find so amusing?"

Hermione flushed a vibrant red as she stammered out an apology. The whole while, Professor Snape just smirked at her in sadistic amusement.

* * *

As Hermione stomped out of the classroom at the end of class, she briefly checked that the door was closed before she started her tirade.

"Alright, that's it! That's the last time he embarrasses me for no reason-"

"Well, it wasn't quite without reason."

Hermione whirled around to face Harry. Her face filled with irritation.

" _Really_? You choose _now_ to be sensible?"

Harry was going to protest but a hand on his shoulder and a beseeching look from Ron stopped him.

"Look mate, you know how she can get when she's in one of her moods." Ron said it softly knowing just the slightest provocation could bring her diatribe upon himself.

Harry nodded sagely, knowing exactly what Ron was warning him of. He'd known Hermione for so long that he'd been on the end of many of her verbal onslaughts.

Hermione was now muttering under her breath, her mind a whirl with ideas of revenge.

"What to do, what to do…"

Seeing Hermione was busy talking to herself and innocently thinking it was about some new school work or such, Ron started filling Harry in on what was included in his mum's latest letter.

"Oh yeah and apparently the twins are coming to visit me and Gin. I reckon they're coming just to make sure the kids who have bought their stuff have hid them from the teachers-"

"Wait- the twins? Brilliant! When are they coming? Why didn't you tell me before?" Hermione demanded, hands on her hips.

"Well, you didn't seem that happy with their choice of occupation."

"Nonsense, when are they coming?"

"In a few days?"

"Brilliant, I'll see you in a bit."

"Hermione?... Hermione?...Hermione?!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Over the next few days Hermione was by all accounts, acting rather odd. She had managed to scare the Gryffindor first years by demanding to know if they had any Weasley Wizard Wheezes, though they would have never told the Head Girl if it was true, she had ordered Harry to tell her every single little prank Sirius and his father had played against Snape and then there was the continuous jumping any time a door opened. She knew rationally that the twins wouldn't dare interrupt a class but she had become so high strung about it all, that logic didn't really seem to play a part.

After the nth time that she had completely stood up when the door to the Common Room opened, Harry and Ron unanimously agreed they needed to talk. Waiting for everyone to go to bed took a while, but finally when they had the room to themselves they gently led Hermione over to the sofa, so she was sat between them.

Worriedly, she alternated looks between the two. "What's wrong? Is it Voldemort Harry? You know the pain is only psychological. He's dead now so there's nothing to worry about. Or is it about-"

"Hermione! Stop, the only thing that's bothering us is you. You've been acting crazy, scaring everyone. At least, let us in on what's got you like this." Harry's concerned gaze made her feel guilty about how she'd been acting.

"Oh, I'm so sorry for making you worried-"

"What?! We… er… we weren't worried Hermione, just…scared that's all."

Seeing Ron look so uncomfortable about being something so 'unmanly', made Hermione smirk with delight.

"Sure, Ron. Of course you weren't _worried,_ merely scared for me. I understand."

While Harry could have easily carried on watching Ron squirm, he was more interested in what Hermione had to say for herself. He hadn't seen her so worked up since she had found that the newest edition of Hogwarts- A History's release was being delayed.

"Hermione, back on track. What has actually been going on?"

"Ugh, sorry. Well, its blasted Snape, he's always making fun and embarrassing me and he's just…just argh!"

Hermione was getting so worked up, that Harry, saviour of the wizarding world, started to back away for fear of her. Ron however was almost giddy with delight.

"Wait does this mean you're finally admitting he's a greasy git? Are you joining the 'Snape Sucks' band-wagon? I'm so proud." He pretended to wipe away a non-existent tear.

"Well, yes I guess it does. I am so fed up with defending him all the time, when he's so…so…"

"Greasy?"

"Horrifying?"

"Hideous?"

"Horrible?"

"Revolting?"

"Repulsive?"

"Git like?" Ron added, having run out of true descriptive words.

"Alright, yes, congratulations you can insult like 8 year olds. I'm glad we established that." Hermione snarked. She was still uncomfortable with disrespecting teachers, though still needing an outlet for her anger against Snape.

Harry looked slightly ruffled but Ron, more versed in female moods i.e. Ginny, was just amused at this more rebellious side of Hermione.

"Ok, chill. What's your plan? We know you've got something cooking?"

Hermione sighed, she had been trying to plan something for three days now, and was ashamed to say that all she had come up with was talking to the twins.

"I want revenge. I need revenge so… I thought I would discuss something with the twins?" She ended it with a question. She was so out of her comfort zone that she was starting to lose confidence.

"So you want to prank him? Snape? Bat of the Dungeon? The man who makes grown men cry?"

"Um…yes?"

"Well, I'm in. Sounds fun. Right, Ron?"

"Um…sure, Harry." Ron's answer however, was slightly shaky and his face was a rather green queasy mess. It clashed beautifully with his red hair and freckles.

"Brilliant. Thank you, you two. Right so, a plan. I think we make a list of pranks and slowly work through the list. Cause him as much grief as he's given us." Hermione finished saying this with a full blown smirk, promising unending torture.

* * *

"Okay, so Ron, did you ask Fred and George for the you-know-what?"

"'Course, 'Mione." Hermione took a deep breath and whispered _'Alohomora'_ .

The whispered incantation echoed out in the cold dungeon corridor. Nothing happened.

"Damn." The harsh curse was followed by mutterings of a similar nature.

"Shh, what's wrong Hermione?"

"'Mione, did you just hope he was granted a pig's snout for a nose?"

"Yes, yes I did, Ron." She stated proudly, unashamed that her cursing abilities were that of a seven year olds (a middle classed seven year old).

Harry still serious wanted an answer. If there was actually some space underneath the invisibility cloak, he would have put his hands on his hips to join the almost pout.

"He's got wards around his office but it should only take a few minutes, the paranoid git."

And sure enough, after only the third demand from Ron of how much longer it was going to take, they were able to open the door.

"So everyone understands what we're doing? Alright, we'll do the spell altogether after three. One, two, three…"

* * *

"Aghhhhhhhhhhh!" The scream reverberated through the dungeons. Though it was but conjecture, the number of slytherin first years found to be utterly embarrassed by the state of their wet bedding, seemed to correspond with the shocking noise which woke up all but the heaviest sleepers in the dungeon. This only seemed to worsen the Professors mood since he had found his office completely turned into a toddler's ball pit. Even after many complex spells to reverse the affects it only seemed to turn everything into an obnoxious violent pink. Not particularly helping with his mood either.

* * *

Though, they were not around to actually see Professor Snape's reaction, the trio took particular delight to see his disgruntled appearance when they went down for breakfast. It did mean however that they got the full brunt of his suspicious looks aimed towards the Gryffindor table.

* * *

AN: Wow. I'm so happy with the fact that TWO people have favourited it! Thank you LittlebigmouthOKC and Sampdoria! Also those who are following this- Thank you! I'm not the type of author to list everyone and if anyone does favourite this in the future, I probably wont name you like I've just done. This is a special occasion - my first favourites! ;p

Also, I thought I'd let you know, so no one gets too aggressive about asking for an update. ;p At the moment I have chronic fatigue, so there may be times when its awhile between updates. I haven't told this for pity but just for understanding, I guess.

Anywho, thanks for the comments and I hope everyone who reads this has enjoyed. And any constructive critisisms are welcome.

SMILE JESUS LOVES YOU! ;p


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

From Snape's completely constipated reaction, they were more than happy to wait for the next prank, to fully savour it. Well, they actually only lasted till morning the next day. Well, early morning, the kind of early where it's still night but technically morning. But they still technically waited.

They decided to up the ante for this one, make it a bit more noticeable. I.e, Target Area- The Potions Classroom.

* * *

 _Groan._

"Ron… Ron." A hand shoved a motionless pile of bedding.

Another muffled groan came from the heap.

"Harry, give him another poke." The same hand jabbed quickly at the body, hidden beneath the mound.

Silence. The two accomplices waited.

"Right, that's it." The witch's voice was reaching 'shrill level' due to her annoyance. "We're just going to have to leave him here."

"Are you sure Hermione?"

"Were you not just here to see that nothing short of his mother will wake him now? We'll just do it by ourselves."

So the now two tormentors, braved the long journey from the Gryffindor Tower to the Dungeons, to wreak ever more havoc on the tormented.

The prank was public and as their first lesson was potions, they were the first to truly appreciate it.

* * *

As usual, the class slumped quietly into the potions classroom, trying to make as little noise as possible. They plonked their sorry bottoms into their seats, took out their quills and settled down, waiting for the Potions Master to appear.

 ** _SLAM_**

The door was flung open, only seven years' worth of exposure stopped them from jumping, though Neville still twitched violently, to which Snape sneered appreciatively.

The wizard sauntered up to the front of the class, taking a minute to make sure everyone was accounted for. As his eyes flicked over Potter, Weasley and Granger, he peered habitably into their stoic faces; they were always up to something. As much as Dumbledore always ate Lemon Sherbets, so the Golden Trio were always up to mischief.

He carried on up to his desk, thoughts filled with theoretical possibilities of how to get rid of them. He sank into his chair, to begin the lesson.

 ** _SQUELCH_**

His chair, that he had lovingly used for the last twenty years was no longer its solid wood. Slowly, with the utmost dignity, he prodded one arm of the chair with a long, pale finger. It was slightly wet, slimy and vaguely solid. Immediately his face became a stone cold mask, ' _Jelly. Some little nitwits had turned my chair into jelly.'_

With reluctant eyes, he inspected his desk, despair clawed within his gut as he regarded his black jelly desk. He swept his eyes across the class of cowering students, obviously terrified of his reaction. His face still showed no emotion as he pulled his lesson plan from the far corner of the desk to just before him, a gleam of sweat from the liquid solid soaking through the paper. Carefully, he adjusted himself in the seat, not wanting it to collapse. The tension in the room was insurmountable, the students waiting for the detonation of anger.

His black eyes looked upon them; they held in a breath, certain this was going to be explosive.

"Would someone… like to explain… why I am sitting… on a seat of… jelly?" The low hiss, swept through the classroom, filled with utter loathing and tightly controlled fury. The students shivered, Longbottom let out a whimper.

"Fine. That's alright. Just know, I will find you and you will _suffer_ the consequences." With a complete pretence of calm, he directed the students to read the relevant chapter, watching them with hawk eyes for even an exhalation of breath to punish.

That day Gryffindor lost 83 points and 31 detentions were awarded. By the end of the day, even Slytherin had lost 17 points. It was a day that went down as 'Death by Black Jelly', no one had been safe from the devastation.

* * *

Harry and Ron had enjoyed his reaction so immensely, they decided to go solo for an occasion. They were starting to really mull over what Snape had said to them over the years and they decided that Hermione's pranks had been a bit too tame for what was really required.

So Monday morning dawned and as everyone had lessons, the Great Hall was filled early for breakfast.

As Snape got up from the staff table, Harry and Ron shared an anticipatory grin and aimed their wands at his back, muttering a string of latin. Moments later the room was filled with a hush, as his robes had been fully transfigured into an obnoxious pink and his hair, streaked in a startling bright, red and gold. Snape however, was still unaware and carried on out of the room, which upon his exit erupted into hysterical laughter, even Dumbledore was seen to wipe away a tear of pure joy.

Hermione turned accusing eyes upon them as soon as he left, because as much as she wanted to cause him annoyance, she had never liked anyone to be publicly humiliated. She gestured for them to go outside and as much as they wished to not follow, they knew Hermione would only be worse if they didn't.

As soon as they were out, the shrieking started.  
"I can't believe you would go that far! That was horrible and humiliating! I just can't believe you would do that! Ugh! You two are in sooo much trouble, just you wait." Once she had seen their slightly chagrined expressions, she huffed and waltzed off, fully intending on informing Snape about his apparel.

Just before she could so, she was forcibly stopped by a wall of black. Stumbling backwards she recognised it for what it was, - an irate Professor Snape.

She stammered an apology and looked up to see him furious.

"'I can't believe you would go that far?'" He hissed as he quoted her words back. " So, it was you three all along, I knew it."

* * *

AN: Hey all, loving the comments. I will try to update regularly, so you can rest at ease. ;p

I have a vague plan for how it will go and I have some ideas for pranks, but I would love to hear more.

Can't believe that I have 19 followers at the mo! Woop woop! And 9 faves! You guys are spoiling me *wipes away a tear*.

Hope you all are having a very merry Christmas.

Any suggestions for improvement are welcome.

Enjoy,

Emra.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 _Previously-_

 _"'_ _I can't believe you would go that far?'" He hissed as he quoted her words back. " So, it was you three all along, I knew it."_

He leaned over her, his face getting closer with every word. If intimidation was an art form, then he would be have been a master.

Hermione, was a Gryffindor however, so instead of cowering, he had raised her shackles and there was no way the lioness in her, was backing down.

"But you have no proof, do you Professor? Otherwise we would already be in detention. You seem to have been bested by Gryffindors, _sir._ " She ended her challenge with a sharp prod to his chest.

He staggered back completely shocked by her audacity. _She poked me, poked_ me. _The utter insolence._

Hermione herself was pretty impressed by her daring. She even had a little chant going on in her head, _Uh huh, go girl, go girl, you got him, go girl, uh huh, go girl._

As he gathered his pride back around him like a cloak, he realised there was only one way to go about this. He was a Slytherin for Merlins sake, it was time to show her who the true pranksters of the school were.

As he stepped towards her again, his face was stone, no emotions peaking through. Inside anticipation churned in his gut, he was looking forward to revenge, sweet sweet revenge.

As Hermione saw his utter lack of expression, she realised she had just challenged, the Head of Slytherin, a very clever man with a very loose set of morals.

"Make no mistake, _my dear Miss Granger."_ The last oozed sarcasm. "You are in _way_ over your head. If you carry on with this, I will destroy you." He said it matter of factly, so sure of himself, there could be no doubt in his mind, who would win.

Hands privately shaking, Hermione's Gryffindor pride left her with only one option.

"Oh yeah? Well bring it on, 'cause it's on like Donkey Kong."

Snape raised an eyebrow, "Do I even want to know?"

Hermione stuttered slightly, "Well whatever, this isn't finished." She lurched back a few steps, turned around and stumbled off to her next class, completely shaken by the result of the conversation.

Snape just sneered at her back, mind already filled with ideas for revenge. _What in Circe's name is Donkey Kong though? Granger has definitely lost it._

* * *

The next morning, Hermione stumbled into the Great Hall, after sleeping surprisingly little the previous night. Wearily, she plonked down into the seat between Harry and Ron and sunk her head onto her arms, resting them on the table. She had been far to nervous and jittery to get any proper sleep, expecting at any minute to be attacked by Snape.

When Harry heard a snore coming from underneath the mound of hair, he gently shook her. "Hermione… Hermione… you need to eat breakfast. We've got Transfiguration first, can't disappoint your precious McGonagall now, can we?"

Blearily, she opened her eyes and lifted her head to peer at him. "I'm sooo hungry." She almost turned her eyes inward, frowning at her self, she must have been so sleep deprived that she misspoke. She was feeling positively nauseous this morning.

"I mean, I am super hungry." She frowned once more. Her brain must be more befuddled than she had thought.

Ron overhearing, nodded approvingly, "Of course you're hungry, Hermione. Here, have some toast." He garbled this, through his own muffin stuffed mouth.

She glared at the offering. " Yes, thank you." At this Ron plonked it down on her plate. She glared at it but was wary of opening her mouth again, as she still wasn't saying what she meant to.

Grabbing a book out her bag, she pretended to read from it, trying to stave off anymore questions. She hoped to do so until the bell went for first lesson, Harry however had other ideas.

"Ugh look at Malfoy over there looking so smug. Such an ugly git, don't you think so Hermione?"

"Well, of course he looks so gorgeous and dreamy. His hair is lovely and I would love to run my fingers through it." Harry recoiled in shock. "Hermione!"

Hermione herself, was utterly horrified by what she had said. She resolutely shook her head to deny it. Harry, cottoning on to what was going on, started asking awkward questions, like the teenager he was. "Oh and what about Goyle and Crabbe?"

"Well, Goyle is so hunky and tall and Crabbe has such luscious hair." Harry snorted with laughter, almost choking on his Pumpkin juice. "And Snape?"

Now dear readers, what Hermione and Harry hadn't realised, is that the hex Hermione was under, didn't make her say the opposite to what she was going to say but the opposite to what the truth was.

"Well he's got such greasy hair and I'd hate to held in those strong arms. His voice is absolutely awful to listen too. It's far too velvety and deep. And his eyes, I'd hate to—

"Ok ok we get it." At this Harry had a mildly disgusted look. His theory, now being completely shot out of the water.

A throat was suddenly cleared behind them. They strained their knecks to look up, only to see a smirking Snape standing behind them. Hermione flushed, she was starting to understand what the hex did.

Snape raised an eyebrow in silent query to Granger, obviously having overheard the last bit. She avoided his gaze and his smirk widened. He waltzed off down the aisle to the doors of the Great Hall and swept out. Hermione sighed in relief, as he hadn't questioned further.

"Blimey, that was scary." Ron shovelled another mouthful in, as he reflected.

Harry just hummed in agreement, as he gazed speculatively at Hermione.

* * *

"Miss Granger." Professor McGonagall smiled at her favourite student. Hermione looked up cautiously from her notes, she'd been copying everything her professor had been saying, since the beginning of lesson.

"Can you explain to Mr Crabbe, why we don't use permanent transfiguration?" She looked at Hermione expectantly, which of course wasn't the wrong thing to do, Hermione had known that answer since she was 12.

"Nope." Hermione was horrified at what she had just uttered, having momentarily forgotten what the hex was about. The teacher herself looked similarly shocked.

"You did do the homework didn't you?" McGonagall was distressed she even had to ask. The theory was fundamental for the homework and Granger had never not handed a piece of homework in.

"'Course not. Why would I?" At this the whole classroom gasped. They would have been less astounded if Voldemort himself had walked through the door. Hermione was notorious for not just finishing every single assignment but for practically begging for more.

Professor McGonagall looked very worried.

"Miss Granger, are you feeling alright?" She queried, hoping for a positive answer.

"Yes, professor. I'm perfectly well." Hermione's face showed utter mortification. Wasn't there a way around this hex? The problem was, Hermione kept speaking without thinking and the curse didn't allow her to lie.

"Well, why don't you go see Madam Pomfrey anyway?"

"Thank you, Professor." Hermione gathered all her belongings, glad that she'd come up with a neutral answer, and scurried out of the classroom.

She didn't go to the infirmary though, she decided instead, to barricade herself in her dormitory. Only when the blush of embarrassment had faded from her cheeks, did she contemplate true revenge against the Potions Master.

* * *

AN: I hope this long one makes up a little for being away so long. Sorry I haven't updated for a while, I guess life has a funny way of taking up time. ;p What a nonsense statement. I have 26 followers and 11 faves, I am feeling extremely spoilt. ;p

Anyway, it's the Chinese New Year tomorrow, so happy new year for those who'll be celebrating. ;p

One last thing, I would love to hear feedback, good or bad and would love to hear prank ideas.

Enjoy ;p


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

A brown flash caught his eye, he whipped round and scanned the corridor, his black eyes narrowed with suspicion. It had been the third time that day that he'd thought he'd seen a… a monkey. It sounded absolutely ridiculous but he could have sworn he'd just seen a large, burly monkey with a red tie wrapped around his neck.

As he started walking in the direction of where the mysterious visitor had disappeared, he tried to convince himself that it was just an illusion. Yet, even as he was failing to do so, the gorilla? actually waltzed across the corridor, seemingly coming from the doorway of a classroom far ahead of him. It turned it's head insolently towards the absolutely befuddled professor and gave him a cheery wave with one of his large pale hands, before carrying on away from him. The now slightly nervous professor, ran after it as it once again vanished from sight. He frantically searched for the now missing beast, he just had no idea what kind of damage it might be doing to the students. He had to find it and stop it. Before it was too late.

"Hello Severus." Snape slammed on his metaphorical brakes, as Headmaster Dumbledore appeared before him. "What are you looking for, my dear boy?" Dumbledore peered around his shoulder, looking for whatever had troubled his professor.

Looking more than just a little ruffled, Snape ran a hand through his hair, his body twitching with adrenaline. "Headmaster, some imbecile has let loose a gorilla in the school. I'm not sure whether by transfiguration or conjuring, but I've seen it along this corridor." His words came out a rush as he impatiently waited for the chance to hunt down the cretin.

Laughter boomed from the elderly wizard. "My dear fellow, there is no monkey strolling along these halls, I can assure you. I know everything and everyone that is within these grounds; Hogwarts is connected to my magic, you know." The Headmaster smiled benevolently at the younger wizard.

Snape huffed with exasperation. "But sir, I _saw_ it with my own eyes." He spoke slowly, leaving no doubt of what he thought of Dumbledore's elderly marbles.

His eyes just twinkled in response.

"But… but… I know I saw it! Are you questioning my mind now, sir?" Dumbledore simply patted the younger man on the shoulder. His blue eyes, framed by half moon spectacles, practically sparkled with amusement.

"Of course not, of course not. I wouldn't dare question you, Professor."

A distant giggle alerted them to the presence of another. "Ah Miss Granger, wonderful to see you." The headmaster didn't even turn around to look upon Hermione's startled face. She quietly came out from her hiding space, a small alcove from which she had seemingly heard most of the conversation.

"Good afternoon, Professors." She smirked slightly at Snape, taking in his rather dishevelled appearance. He glared back at her with utter loathing in his eyes.

"Miss Granger." He ground out, his jaw clenched painfully to keep other less _polite_ greetings within.

"Are you alright now, Severus? I'm sure I can leave Miss Granger in your capable hands." With that, the esteemed Headmaster whistled as he glided away.

With no supervision, they both glared at each other with revenge written across their faces.

"I believe that this was your handiwork then?"

"Naturally, Professor."

"Really, I shouldn't be so surprised, only a Gryffindor could have come up with something so bold and without finesse. And only _you_ could have come up with something so unimaginative." Sneering, he swept closer to her, using his height to full advantage. "Be careful Miss Granger, you do not wish to experience anything truly _unpleasant,_ now would you?"

Hermione, very close to losing her cool, huffed indignantly before backing away from him. Taking one last look at him to fully appreciate how discomposed he was, she walked away, flitting away the persistent thought that he looked rather roguish with his hair so tussled.

"Oh, Professor, I believe the gorilla's name is Donkey Kong. Just in case you were curious."

With that last parting shot, she ambled off, inordinately proud of herself. If only she had any idea of how very vexed the Potions Master had become, she might just have been a little more cautious with her gloating. Indeed, she had left him with a vast list of ideas for revenge and absolutely no guilt to hold him back from his next plan.

* * *

Over the next few days, Hermione was lulled into a sense of almost complete security. Maybe the professor had decided it was better not to challenge her. She could be pretty fierce. Maybe he just didn't have a sense of humour. As a teacher he might have thought he had to take the moral high ground. Well, as numerous as her theories were, they didn't stop the smug grin from appearing on her lips at times. Take that evening's dinner for example, she was just tucking into her pasta when, _bam,_ the grin appeared. She peeked a look at the teachers table and lo and behold, Snape was there at the end, giving a serious look into his own pasta. Without a doubt, she had well and truly defeated him with that last prank. A pure stroke of genius she had to admit.

Though, if she'd been forced to tell the truth, she would have admitted grudgingly that she had been slightly disappointed at Snape's lack of response. It was almost as if she wanted his attention. But that could never be true, right readers?

While she was mulling that over, a figure in a slightly offending purple, waltzed up to the teachers table. Absolute fear gripped her and she released an earsplittingly loud, terrified scream. Everyone whipped round to look at her, panic on their faces as they tried to see what scared her. Slowly, she stumbled further away from the figure. She couldn't think straight, fear and adrenaline was coursing through her. Slowly she lifted a violently shaking finger towards the person, even as she continued to back away. "You…" She stammered, "…Get away from me…" Her shaky voice echoed through the Great Hall.

At this, everyone swung round to the figure. He straightened in surprise.

"Me, Miss Granger? Are you alright, dear girl?"

She involuntarily let out another terrified scream. Her staggering increased in speed, until her back was against the wall. The students were now looking at eachother in confusion. What was so scary about the headmaster? Sure, they all could agree his clothes were rather shocking, but hadn't they always been so?

"Just..just…stay away from me!" Hermione flung an arm out as if to shield herself from this supposed monstrosity.

As the teachers didn't look too worried except for the girl's sanity, the students started relaxing a bit. A few even let out small titters at the girl's dramatics.

The Headmaster started walking forward slowly, trying to approach her as if she was a wounded animal. " Miss Granger, there's really nothing to fear-" He said soothingly.

She must have remembered she was a witch at this point though, as her wand was suddenly thrust forward in his direction. Hermione waved it round a bit. "Don't come any closer!" She practically growled. He stopped moving and threw a beseeching look at his deputy, for once he wasn't quite sure how to deal with this. McGonagall just sighed in exasperation, if Albus Dumbledore didn't know what to do, how could he expect her to?

The students reactions were gradually turning into complete mirth at the utter absurdity of what was going on. Hermione Granger, the war hero, was acting as if Albus Dumbledore, one of the nicest and most senile man was going to attack her. The Headmaster was an extremely powerful wizard let's not forget that, but even then he just mainly used his magic for lighting and blowing out candles or making waves, not exactly fear inspiring magic. Harry Potter just stared at his friend with disbelief, while Ron her other 'supportive' best friend was hiding his chuckles by stuffing his face full of Hermione's deserted dinner. At least, that's the excuse he would have given if anyone had asked.

Hermione still in a position of fearful defence, suddenly stiffened. What on earth was wrong with her? Immediate clarity seemed to come to her, bringing with it the absolute mortification of what just happened. She had just experienced Albusphobia, the fear of Albus Dumbledores. She straightened up slowly, placed her wand back in her pocket, taking her time and gradually lifted her head back up to look at her audience. Her utter embarrassment must have shown clearly and expressively on her face, as what happened next could have only been in reaction it. A great booming laugh was heard. Foreign to everyone, the deep sound resounded through the Hall. Hermione Granger had broken Snape. He was laughing. The great bat of the dungeons had tears running down his face, hands clutched at his stomach and he simply laughed. Who knew he was even capable of such emotion but it seemed that even his renown talent for control over his emotions, had failed at this point. The Slytherins look worried, the Hufflepuffs vaguely concerned, the Ravenclaws simply befuddled and the Gryffindors were terrified. It was rather a strange situation.

"You! You did this! You horrid man! How could you?" Hermione's outraged shout simply seemed to worsen his condition. He bent over with the force of it, the booming turning into a great whooping laugh. "Arggh!" She let out an aggrieved noise but not many really payed attention to her, history was being written that second by the Potions Master. She stormed off, promising herself to think up worthy revenge.

As minutes wore on, still Professor Snape couldn't let up. Students gradually finished eating and were sent up to their dormitories, teachers slowly drifted off and still late on in the night, a great hysterical noise was heard coming from the Great Hall. Professor Severus Snape's first genuine laugh.

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AN: Hey, all! Thanks for all the comments and such! I love reading them. As ever, I'd love to hear your ideas for any pranks.

I'd like to just point two things about this update. No.1, I've never experienced having a phobia, I just wanted Hermione to have a really extreme reaction to Dumbledore, I hope no one was offended by it. Most of everything in this story is just caricature. No.2 I kind of made Dumbledore slightly less kickass, it just didn't really fit with what I wanted for the story. Hope you all can forgive me. ;p

It was my birthday yesterday, so I thought I'd share the love. Remember, sharing is caring. ;p And I just wanted to mention that it was my birthday yesterday. If you didn't get that, it was my birthday, yesterday. ;p

Err, yeah I hope you enjoyed reading. I'm sorry for the wait, after Easter I've got tons of exams and revision so I'll try to update when I can but qualifications do matter a lot more, I'm sorry to say. ;p

Anywho, happy to be soon Easter (and happy birthday to me ;) ),

Emra ;p


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